she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
