Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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