...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
