Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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