The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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