I faked an abortion last night.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
