In the future we'll all be gay
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's blow job season.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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