I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
