I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
