is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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