Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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