Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
