when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
