The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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