In the future we'll all be gay
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
