I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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