I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
