OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
