You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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