My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
