Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
