Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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