So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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