So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I supernannyed him into submission
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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