I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
