I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
