I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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