What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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