You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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