Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Threesome in a minivan. New low
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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