you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
