i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
