Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
