On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
