Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I could make wine with my vomit
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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