Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
