Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
3pm strippers are depressing
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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