Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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