sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
