I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
