sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
