I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
