can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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