Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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