Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
