So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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