exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
