I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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