I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
