3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
