I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
