Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
