Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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