I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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