maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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