Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
