when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
