no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You're like the curious george of whores
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
