just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
